


Wear my sorrow like a crown

by marquis



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, spoilers for episode 57
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 14:38:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9905378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marquis/pseuds/marquis
Summary: Magnus contemplates his new body.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Shaker Hymns" by Dry the River.
> 
> Takes place in episode 57, after they've escaped and are resting at the camp. Major spoilers ahead, so be wary.

Magnus rubs his fingers together, staring at them with a kind of morbid curiosity. He can't feel it, really, not the way he used to, but it sounds a little like sandpaper.

In front of him, the campfire burns. Before today, he would have found it comforting. Now, he doesn't feel the heat at all, and he suspects he wouldn't even if he were standing on the embers.

This body is made of oak. If he had a choice, he thinks, he would have preferred rosewood. But in some parts of the world, oak wood can mean strength.

It's as close as he can get to where he used to be, he supposes; if he cannot regain the strength he had before, he can still represent it to other people. That's the most he can ask for, really.

Magnus wants to believe that it could have been worse. Taako and Merle are both sleeping beside the fire, and Wonderland is gone for good. Edward and Lydia can't hurt anyone else. That should be a success in everyone's book. But Magnus feels his loss acutely, can't seem to forget his circumstances long enough to be proud of what they've done here.

He feels hollow, and not just because there is no longer a heart inside his chest.

When the wheel took ten years off his life, Magnus didn't care. He has spent the past few years expecting to die before he turned thirty-five, but for a brief moment he was thirty-eight, and a part of him was almost glad to know what that felt like.

This oak is older still, he thinks. It's worn so smooth it's almost soft. No matter how hard he rubs, he cannot catch a splinter. The liches kept their toys for a long time.

A part of him wants to climb into his pocket workshop and get to work. With a little time and effort, he could make this body better. Add some varnish, some extra padding around his joints. It still wouldn't be him, gods know, but it could be. Stronger, if nothing else.

Maybe he could get Merle to ask Pan for a soulwood body. If Pan is even listening, that is. He's been a bit of a fair-weather friend recently.

"Yo, Mags."

Taako is squinting at him out of one eye. He's got his cloak wrapped around him like a blanket, covering most of his face.

"What's up?" Magnus asks, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

Taako pokes a finger out. "Your foot's on fire, dude."

Magnus looks down. Sure as shit, a flame is making its way over his wooden foot. He reels back, stomping his foot into the dirt frantically until the fire goes out.

Taako is giggling into his cloak, and Magnus thinks he can hear an edge of hysteria in the sound. Like maybe this is weird for him, too.

"Did you even notice?" Taako asks. "Did it hurt?"

Magnus sighs, shifting back to his original position. "Nope."

"Lucky son of a bitch." Merle is awake now, too. He rolls over onto his stomach and glares at Magnus. "Every time one of the damn sparks off the fire hits my Pan arm, it burns like hell."

"I'd say you're the lucky one," Magnus mutters.

They fall silent for a moment after that, each lost in their own thoughts.

Magnus stares at the charred wood of his foot. If he didn't feel that, he thinks, there's no way in hell he'll be able to feel anything else. For a brief moment, he lets himself dwell on that: he'll never feel anyone hugging him again, never feel rain on his skin or taste a good steak.

Magnus had lived his life assuming he was a normal guy, a human with a tendency for finding danger and taking risks. He assumed that one day he would die, and, just like every other human being, he would move on to some other plane of existence. He would find Julia. That would be the end. Somehow, he even managed to fuck that up.

He lost a finger. He lost ten years. He lost his memories, too, and he thought maybe that would be the worst of it. But then they took his body from him.

 _Bad luck,_ they'd said. They were right about that.

Merle is the one to break the silence, eventually. "Go to sleep, Magnus," he groans. "I can hear the gears in your head turning from over here, and it's interrupting my beauty rest."

Sleep is a funny concept now. Magnus isn't entirely sure it's something he can do. Even so, he moves away from the fire and lies down.

They'll find a way to fix this in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> I was so sad about this I decided to make everyone else sad, too. As always, you can find me on [Tumblr](http://travismcelrcy.tumblr.com).


End file.
